Are you there with me?
by msmhtp
Summary: Merlin is seriously wounded and dying. And Morgana is involved, but not like you think. Whump, angst. No slass. beta by Malallory
1. Merlin

_ English isn't my language so_

_Beta by Malallory, Thank you so much._

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><p>Merlin scrambled forward.<p>

Step by step, his pace slowed as he fled deeper into the forest.

When he arrived at the clearing, his strength ran out and he collapsed against a cold stone.

Merlin felt the wound bleeding, but he couldn't manage to do anything about it- he had used his powers too much that horrible day.

Merlin vaguely eyed the clearing, which looked familiar. He turned his gaze and smiled sadly, realizing where he was and what the stone was behind his back.

Once, that rock held the sword that now threatened his life.

And the man who was holding the sword, he called a friend. But Merlin knew that Arthur no longer thought of him as a friend.

All was at an end.

Merlin had failed, but he didn't feel sadness or guilt. He had done his best, he had done everything possible and now he could rest. Now the weight of everything was off of his shoulders and out of his heart.

Merlin was free. Perhaps Freya would be there, on the other side of life, and they could finally be together.

Shadows lengthened. The sun was setting.

Merlin coughed blood. He felt his life slowly fading. The time had come. But then he heard the cracking sounds from the quiet forest and stiffened.

Had Arthur already found him?

But no.

Someone was moving in the shadows, approaching him with caution.

Barely conscious anymore, Merlin lifted his gaze up.

He grinned when the person stepped out of the woods and pulled the hood aside, revealing her face.

"Morgana."


	2. Arthur

At first it was easy to follow the trail of blood. But when the snow started to fall, it covered any traces of the trail they were following.

Arthur felt numb.

He had lost his opportunity. He had lost his closest friend, who had stood by his side for years.

All because he had let his anger control his heart before he had allowed himself to realized that Merlin was… Merlin.

Merlin, kind Merlin.

Merlin, who willingly sacrificed himself for the sake of his friends.

Merlin, who even hated hunting.

That was why it was hurt so much to know about Merlin, but it didn't justify his own stupidity.

Arthur had been stupid.

And now, he had lost everything.

The other side of his soul was missing. Lost in the forest.

"Do we go back to the Camelot?" Leon asked and Arthur looked his knights around him. How long had they been just standing there? They all looked tired and… sad.

Gwaine didn't look at Arthur, and he knew that Gwaine didn't intend to return with them. The knight had taken off the colors of Camelot and stood there dressed as a normal man, as he had before his days in Camelot. What Arthur had done had hurt Gwaine deeply. Gwaine had believed in Merlin and because of him he had found his place as one of the knights. Now that Arthur knew that Gwaine actually was a noble who followed his own heart and will, Arthur felt jealous.

Arthur wanted to do same.

"_Arthur, for god's sake, you are the king of Camelot, you don't have to ask _my_ advice about this."_ Merlin's voice echoed his mind.

"No, I don't have to." Arthur smiled.

"Sire?" Leon looked confused.

"You and others, go back, rest. I can't give up now. Because of me…" Arthur's gaze met Gwaine's, who finally looked him. "Because Merlin is my friend."

"Sire…"

"I'm not alone. Gwaine is with me. And, maybe it's better like this. I should have thought of it earlier. Leon, please, just go."

And they left.

"Now where? It's going to be dark soon, and the snow…" Gwaine asked.

"I think I know where I have to go." Arthur said, remembering the time of his greatest turmoil. The time when Merlin was gave him hope to continue. He clenched his sword's hilt.

"I know where he is."


	3. Morgana

It was pure shock to Morgana.

Merlin, lying on the ground, covered in blood as the snow slowly fell to the quiet earth.

She walked slowly forward and noticed that Merlin had seen her.

"I don't have the strength to fight with you, Morgana," Merlin sighed. His eyes looked so empty.

Morgana stopped. Like Merlin could ever fight against her. Although, she considered, Merlin had before, and he had always won. How, she didn't know.

"Who… who did this to you. Maybe I should thank him." Morgana's voice betrayed her. She didn't sound arrogant at all.

Merlin actually laughed, but his laugh turned into coughing and Morgana involuntarily startled when she saw the blood.

"It was Arthur," Merlin answered, and his voice broke a bit.

"Arthur? Arthur did this to you? Why?" Morgana was shocked that Arthur would do this to his servant, but even more shocked at her own reaction. Never, even with her power of foresight, could she have imagined Arthur doing this to Merlin. It seemed so… wrong. Nothing, nothing could separate those two, nothing. And gods knew how hard she herself had tried to.

Merlin tried to move, but he couldn't. He could only lay there and watch the witch.

"It doesn't matter anymore. I failed. I don't have much time left. But, somehow, I'm glad to see you again. I thought that you were dead. After the battle, when we never heard any news of you, I thought that maybe you really died. I'm glad that you are still alive. So glad…"

"How you can be glad, Merlin?" Morgana kneeled beside of him. She looked at the wound. It was obviously deep, made by a sword.

"I never really wanted to see you dead. You have done so much evil, so much to harm us, but I never could forget who you really are, Morgana," Merlin smiled.

Morgana was shaking all over. Something was definitely wrong with this whole situation. She wanted to back off.

"Please, stay, stay with me." Merlin gripped Morgana's leg. His grip was weak and Morgana could have shaken him off easily. But she didn't. She felt a slight panic.

"Merlin…"

"Once you were my friend, Morgana."

Morgana felt the ice strike her heart.

"Yes, I was. And you were mine. And I thought…" Morgana looked away, remembering her own rising feelings toward the servant boy during that time. "Then you betrayed me. You took everything away from me. You, Uther, Arthur." But in her voice there was no hatred, only sorrow.

"Kind of, yes- but I had no choice. And it hurt me to do so. And when you came back, my heart broke when I realized the choices you had made, the things you had done."

"I didn't…"

"Everybody lives by their own choices." His voice sounded distant. "You can't blame anyone else for the choices you've made. I regret so many things, Morgana. And I'm deeply sorry. Did you ever think, though, that if you had told Uther everything, perhaps he would have understood? Uther loved you so much; you and Arthur were his children. Nothing is like parent's love, Morgana. Nothing. It overtakes everything. Love is such a powerful force. " Merlin closed his eyes and Morgana realized that he was crying. She could hear the pain in his tone. But she could also sense that this pain was from something other than his wound.

Suddenly Morgana wondered: what was it that Merlin had lost? Did she ever really know anything about this odd boy, now a man, who came to Camelot and changed everything? What choices had Merlin made? And why had Arthur wanted to kill his friend after all these years?

"Morgana, are you here with me?" Morgana barely heard Merlin's voice anymore, so quiet was this usually joyful servant's voice now. Merlin, dying. He was really dying, like Morgana had hoped for such a long time now. Her revenge was happening even better than she had ever imagined. Merlin was dying by Arthur's hand. A painful death- a long and painful death, just as she had wished. So why was she sad now, when she looked at him? Why, when she looked at Merlin, did it feel like her best friend was dying? Before she knew what she was doing, Morgana took Merlin on her lap and hushed him.

"I'm here Merlin. I'm here."

And Morgana felt the tears flow down her cheeks.


	4. Gwaine

Morgana. Crying. And Merlin on her lap? This was nothing Gwaine had ever expected to see in this lifetime.

On the other hand, Arthur holding his sword, ready to kill but too confused to really do so- that was everything that Gwaine could expect from his king.

"Morgana." Arthur hissed in anger and despair. "Was I right? Was Merlin really with you all this time?"

"What are you talking about, Arthur?" And really, Morgana truly sounded surprised. "I hate Merlin. He was the reason why, why I…" Morgana went quiet and looked the man on her lap. "I hate him. He took everything away from me. You and him. Whatever I did, Merlin was always there, always loyal to you, Arthur. I can't understand it, I can't. Why?"

"Then why you are crying?" Gwaine asked, putting his hand on Arthur's sword blade and pushing it gently down.

"Because he remembered who I am- who I used to be. He made me remember how everything was. And how much I trusted him. How much I…" Morgana sobbed, her voice broken.

"He knew about you?" For some reason Gwaine wasn't surprised. Merlin was… Merlin. Gwaine was sure that Merlin knew everything what happened in Camelot. He just was that kind of man.

"Yes. Everything. He was there when all this began," Morgana answered, and it seemed to Gwaine that Morgana didn't even notice that she was stroking Merlin's hair. Merlin, who lay still. Maybe he was already dead. Maybe they had lost him. Maybe they were too late. Maybe.

"He was the one who turned the wave of our destiny. He made us what we are now." Morgana whispered as she watched Arthur.

"Why Arthur, why would you kill him?"

Behind of him, Gwaine heard Arthur's sword fall to the ground. He didn't have to turn and look back to know that Arthur was finally broken. Gwaine steeled himself.

"So you didn't know, Morgana." Gwaine sighed. "No one of us knew, not before this fateful morning. I always thought though, that it was weird- how he was always there, how he always insisted that he must be there, with Arthur. Always protecting him. Ready to sacrifice himself."

"That fool," Arthur cursed and Gwaine smiled.

"That fool. Our fool, who took everything on his shoulders. Until this morning, when everything changed."


	5. Gwen

Gwen thought that she would remember that day forever. The day when Merlin revealed his magic. Right front of everyone.

Her sweet Merlin.

Her kind, loyal Merlin, standing there, his eyes glowing golden. His arms spread out, standing front of Arthur.

There was hint of blue in the air when the magical shield sparkled.

"You don't touch him."

And he sounded so different. Merlin, standing there, at his full height, back straight, his voice so confident and full of authority.

"What? How? Sorcerer? Protecting him?" The attacker was confused. It was almost hilarious, how he struggled to understand, standing there with his mouth open.

"Go, before you do anything foolish. Go to Isilder and tell him what you have done."

"I will not listen to some-"

"I am Emrys. And I will not warn you a second time."

And that stopped the druid. He looked scared, his head bent as he turned and ran- and no one stopped him.

Because everyone was looking at Merlin, who lowered his hands and sighed heavily. His eyes met Gwen's and Gwen tried to smile.

She was in shock, but she knew that even if he was a sorcerer, Merlin was her friend. And he had just proven to be so much more than what they all knew.

Merlin turned to see his friend, the king.

"All this time, Merlin? You, who I trust most?" Arthur pulled his sword out.

"Arthur, no!" Gwen lunged forward to stop her husband.

Gwen was sure that Merlin could have stopped it. He was powerful. But he didn't do it. He let the sword pierce him.

"Merlin!"

Gwen wasn't the only one who yelled.

Gaius, and some knights too.

"Is this your will?" Merlin asked as he stumbled backward.

"It is," Arthur hissed and stepped closer, but Leon was there and he stopped his king.

"Sire…"

"Out of my way!"

Merlin was still standing, the wound bleeding, pain all over his face.

Pain and sorrow.

"My king." Merlin bowed one last time and then, with a gust of wind, he was gone.

It was then that Gwen found her voice.

"You idiot!"

"Guinevere?" Arthur looked at the furious queen.

"You killed him, you fool!"

"Of course I killed him! He is a sorcerer."

"He is a warlock," Gaius said quietly and Arthur turned to see the old man, who stood there looking like his life had just been taken away.

"You knew?"

"Yes. And I know how many times he has saved you and your kingdom. Camelot is… was... his life."

"Gaius, old man, tell me, where did he go?" Gwaine asked, but Gaius shook his head.

"I don't know. He could be anywhere." There were tears in the physician's eyes.

"Saved me?" Arthur asked.

"Arthur? Look at me." Gwen demanded, watching her husband closely. He looked confused.

"Do you understand what happened? And what you did?"

"Merlin has magic."

"Yes. But, does it really change anything?" Gwen stepped closer and hugged him.

"He is _Merlin_," she whispered.

"Is he? Really? Maybe he was Morgana's ally. Maybe he never…"

"No, Arthur. He is still Merlin. He may be more than what we realized, but we have known him a long time. Years, Arthur, years. And he is our friend."

And Arthur finally hugged her, squeezing her tightly in his arms.

"And you have to find him before it's too late."


	6. Different ways

_Now whole story is betaed by Malallory, Thank You._

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><p>"So that's what happened." Morgana sighed and looked her brother. "You really made a mess, didn't you?"<p>

Arthur couldn't answer. He couldn't say anything. He had been hasty like always and made things worse. Morgana shook her head looked again at Merlin.

"So you have magic. Should've guessed. All those times when you somehow slipped though my hands."

"Morgana, is he…" Gwaine hesitated to ask.

"Almost. But... when I fled from Camelot last, I was dying. Then the most beautiful creature I've ever seen came and saved me. And it gave me a gift, a gift for healing. I should not do this, but for the sake of old times, and because I'm sure that I want my own revenge toward you, Merlin, I'm going to save you now." Morgana put her hand over Merlin's forehead.

"Morgana…" Arthur stepped forward but again Gwaine stopped him. At first nothing seemed to happen. Then a light golden glow surrounded Merlin and he opened his eyes. And smiled.

"Welcome back, you fool." Morgana smiled too, looking suddenly very tired. "I'm not so used to doing this."

"I… I have… always been… lousy with healing spells." Merlin tried to rise and Morgana helped him.

"What was the creature?" Merlin asked.

"You heard?"

"I heard some things."

"It was a white dragon." Morgana glanced over at Arthur. "Only a hatchling."

"There are more dragons?" Arthur asked through clenched teeth.

"Aithusa," Merlin sighed.

"Aithusa?"

Merlin grinned.

"Aithusa is a sign of hope, Morgana. He has shown you the other direction, a second chance."

Morgana wanted to laugh. "One good deed doesn't save me. I cannot go back now, even if I want to."

"No, but I'm sure that you are able to change again. Behind all that fear and arrogance, you are still the same Morgana I once knew. However, the choice is yours only."

Before Morgana could answer, Arthur interrupted loudly.

"You will pay for your actions, Morgana! I have not forgiven you." Arthur started walking toward them, but this time Merlin stood in his way.

"Arthur, no. Today we are not fighting. Let her go."

Arthur stopped in shock.

" You can't trust her!"

"I don't trust her at all. No offense, Morgana."

Morgana sniffled.

"How could you trust me? I didn't ask you to. I do not need it and I do not ask for mercy from either of you. But thank you, Merlin. You reminded me of who I am. And Arthur, my dear brother, yes we are going to meet again. I can't yet say when. But for the moment, you should take a break and enjoy your kingly life."

Merlin took Morgana's hands and pulled her to him. Their forehead touched for a moment before they withdrew, and Merlin let her hands go.

Morgana felt herself blush, and she dodged Merlin's gaze.

"Goodbye, Merlin."

"Goodbye, Morgana."

Morgana turned and walked back into the woods from whence she had come.

Merlin could feel Arthur's rage boiling as he approached him.

"Tell me, why did I have to let her go?"

"Would you really want to kill her right now?" Merlin asked quietly.

Arthur hesitated when he looked at the blood covering his friend. A friend Arthur had almost killed. If Morgana hadn't been there, Merlin would be dead by now. He shook his head. Merlin was right.

"There has already been too much blood today," Gwaine said, voicing aloud all of their thoughts, and Merlin's face lightened for a moment before he became serious again.

"Morgana doesn't know everything yet, Arthur, but it seems to me that it is time for you to hear the whole truth. My war with Morgana will continue for some time before she understands who she is up against," Merlin sighed.

"What do you mean?"

"My hope is that she will change her beliefs and learn how to correctly use the gifts she has received. If not, I will kill her."

Merlin's unwavering tone left no doubt that he would do exactly as promised.

Arthur squeezed Merlin's shoulder.

Suddenly he realized that Merlin was really alive. And that there was lot of work to do. Magic was still banned in Camelot, and he really wanted to hear Merlin's story.

"I know a nice tavern nearby," Gwaine yawned.

"Sounds good." Arthur smiled.

"Arthur?" Merlin looked the king tentatively.

"Merlin, I'm sorry that I… I think that I owe one to Morgana."

Merlin just nodded. "Yes you do. So, to the tavern?"

"Maybe I shouldn't let you in a tavern, knowing you." Arthur remembered all those times when Gaius had told him that Merlin had spent his entire day in the tavern.

"Oh, you have no idea, Arthur. You have no idea." Merlin started to laugh.

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><p><em>Thank you everyone. It was fun. I can write one more chap if you really want, but otherway this is complete.<em>


	7. Are you there with me?

_Alright, you asked this. I got some of this story's idea from _TheSaga_'s modern reincarnation story _Confidence_, where she hinted that Merlin killed Morgana and that there was a daughter. So I got permission to use that and now this is kind of prologue to that. If I just can make her do some more to that story… _

_And then there was some review what went really close to my own though so I though that why not to write one more chap. _

_But it's really short._

_Still I hope that you enjoy._

_Mer._

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><p>"You really were my doom, Merlin," Morgana sighed.<p>

Merlin held her tightly in his arms.

He didn't know what to say.

He had saved Arthur's life, but he had just killed Morgana.

As much as he would like to, he couldn't save her anymore.

"Merlin, our daughter…"

"What about her?"

"Is she safe?"

For the first time that day, Merlin smiled.

"She is safe. Gwen will look after her."

Morgana sighed.

"It was my only regret. That I hid her from you. But now she is safe, safe with you. And I'm sorry, your son…"

"He is there, waiting for me with his mother." Merlin looked over at the lake.

The Lake of Avalon.

"Freya…" Morgana couldn't hide her bitterness, but then her eyes glowed.

"What do you see?" Merlin asked.

"Your life, Merlin, is going to be long. Long and hard."

"Nothing new, really." Merlin murmured and Morgana grinned.

She lifted her hand to touch Merlin's cheek. Merlin's short beard had begun to go gray.

"Merlin, when the time comes, we will be there again. You, me, Arthur, Gwen, Lancelot. But we have to learn first. And you Merlin, are our guardian. You will stay and watch over and over again how we live and die until the time of the new Albion comes."

Merlin squeezed her hand.

"Are you sure?"

"Are _you_ questioning _my_ vision?"

"No. No I'm not." Merlin shook his head.

"Then, believe me. But beware your own actions. We won't remember before the time is right. There is… still… so much to learn."

Morgana's voice was only a whisper now and the gold light disappeared from her eyes. Merlin felt her relax. They both silent.

There were no tears of sorrow.

No regrets.

Only wistful longing for what could have been if all had gone otherwise.

"Merlin?"

"Yes?"

"Are you there… with me?"


End file.
